She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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