he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
