I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
