i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize