I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
