do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
