All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
