There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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