Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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