That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize