I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
