even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I supernannyed him into submission
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
