6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
