i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
