Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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