So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
