If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
