i permit you to call me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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