I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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