I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His hands were made for my vagina.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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