Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
