I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am naked and annoyed.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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