Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
