I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
