Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
