Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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