I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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