proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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