the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
