Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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