Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
