she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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