Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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