No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
