im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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