Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
