I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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