She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize