So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
