So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
