smell my finger.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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