I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
