community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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