I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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