Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
