And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize