I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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