I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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