girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
