But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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