Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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