I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
