Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
