Do you still have your period?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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