I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
