When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
