just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
