i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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