I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
