Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
