i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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