I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
