R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just want to make out with him forever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize