I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
