Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
