but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
