Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
