her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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