Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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