so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
