my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
