There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
